The year was 1993, and I was at an after-work party with my girlfriend, a co-worker who would ultimately become my wife. We were having a great time, and our colleagues frequently told us what a cute couple we made.
Later that evening, I broke up with her.
I had known all along that I would. For a few days I had been setting my mind to the notion that my unresolved feelings about a previous relationship needed resolution, and it wasn’t fair to anyone for me not to invest fully. “We’ve been getting too close,” I said. “It’s not you, it’s me.”
Things obviously worked out in the end, and I’ve been married to my best friend, with whom I have always been 100% invested, for 13 years. I regret the pain I put her through that night and the following days, when she was forced to explain to everyone that we were now a cute ex-couple. She reminds me of that injury every now and again, assumedly to remind me of the lesson I’ve learned: don’t wait to deliver bad news. It will only make it worse.
But maybe I haven’t learned so much after all. Many months ago, I decided to change careers. The reasons for that change are the topic of another post, but the rationale can be summed up in a quote from Roz Savage, who dropped her lucrative career to row boats solo across oceans: “Look at your life. Are you happy? Are you doing something meaningful? If you carry on living as you live today, will you end up with a life that you are proud of? And if not, why not? What is holding you back?” (www.rozsavage.com – check it out. At this moment, she is halfway to
I start in less than three weeks. I am excited, nervous, and happy to get started. I am also very happy to finally throw off the veil. Fearing reprisal, I kept my plans and efforts hidden from anyone related to my employer. So far as I know, no one there knows anything about my efforts, and the secrecy has been excruciating.
See, I am a storyteller. Some people come into work, set up their desks, grab a pen and get quietly to work. I am not those people. I roll into work, drop my bag, and say, “You guys aren’t going to believe what happened to me last night!” Almost every day there is a story. Either that, or some lively discussion throughout the day gets tossed over the cubicle walls concerning our customers, our vendors, our co-workers, or just the events of the day. Unfortunately, for almost two years, the events of my day have been thoroughly integrated with stories of math, classrooms, projects, teachers, students, and grades. None of those stories are available for me to share here. And it’s killing me.
This, however, is where my story hits its paradox. I am getting ready to break up with these people and this place. I’ve known about it for months – but I can’t say anything. I have to wait to deliver the bad news. And I’m not looking forward to the repercussions. But putting it off any longer will just cause more pain. Plus, it would make me miss my start date! I have looked forward to this Monday with both excitement and trepidation for a long, long time. Mostly, at this point, I just want to get on with it.
So let’s get on with it.
